Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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