Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
