he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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