I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
