I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
