what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
