do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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