ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Shame - the story of my life.
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