I got chris browned last night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
