Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
