he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
we should paint friendship bongs
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