Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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