i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i think i just lost a toe
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
