I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
