I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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