evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
