you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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