I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
