Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
