So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
