Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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