You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
