i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
