i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
