If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
