I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
