I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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