I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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