We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
