closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
