that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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