It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
