two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
