Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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