imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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