Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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