And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
