I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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