he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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