Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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