I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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