And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
