Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
