I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
