Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
