this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
