The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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