Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
