well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
