my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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