I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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