Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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