I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
