If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
