mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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