well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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