Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
